Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Prairie Eydie Goes "All Hallmark" - AGAIN!

Life's so different than it is in your dreams.
 - Tom Waits

I have a problem thinking my life should mirror lives shown in Christmas movies.  Schroeder should play the piano while I dance. Townspeople should crowd around me as I discover how my life has touched many other lives.  A single tear should coarse down my face as I open the most perfect, meaningful gift, ever.

It was a REALLY cold Sunday, and I needed a project for my dear children.  A "Hallmark Vision" twinkled in my head.  I would take the kids to Target (Ouch!  Not local, I know.) and they would choose meaningful gifts for their grandmother.  Their grandmother who insists they stay well hydrated.  Their grandmother who actually watches Wow, Wow Wubzy with them. Their grandmother who lets them jump off furniture. Their grandmother who loves them to pieces.

I envisioned things to unfold like this:

Leonard:  Can I please buy this GreenPan so grandma can cook healthy, eco-groovy breakfasts for us?  I don't want Grandma to be eating toxins.  Please!!!

Gus:  Look at this cuddly purple blanket!  Can I buy this so Grandma and I can snuggle under it while watching Despicable Me for the 34th time?

Lulu:  Mom!  Here is a tiara!  Grandma needs this because she is a beautiful princess.  

While driving the kids to Target I explained what fun we would have, choosing gifts, and making sure Grandma had meaningful presents to open on Christmas.  (Yes.  I did branch off on the "it is better to give than receive" tangent.  Children under 10 just aren't buying it.)  

Here is what the kids chose for their beloved grandmother:

Nothing Says "I Love You" like a 6 inch battery operated Christmas tree.  PLUS!  It's flocked!

Grandmas wear old sweaters, don't they?  Now their ornaments can too!
These battery operated lights mimic Grandma's sparkly personality!

Prairie friends, I tried to steer my children towards more meaningful choices, but they would have none of it.  Gus said the flocked tree would add PZAZZ to Grandma's guest bathroom.  Lulu didn't even know what she chose, she just wanted to peruse the Barbie aisle.  Leonard at least chose a somewhat personal (if somewhat ugly) ornament. 

How does this particular bashed Hallmark moment end?  Well.  I bought the presents and promptly returned them the next day.  Eighteen dollars worth of nonsense.  

I have obviously learned nothing from this episode because today a student told me how she always makes delicious, homemade caramels with her mother.  YES!   Next weekend I will make lovely caramels with my kids.  We will play Christmas music, wrap the chewy squares of goodness in twists of waxed paper, reminisce about past Christmases . . . . nope, I will never learn. 

Prairie Eydie   



  1. You made the right decision. Plus you have earned karma for the time spent indulging the whims of the kids, and the bonus pain of a return line mid December.
    The best gifts do not require batteries.
    Merry Christmas!

  2. Patrick - if the caramels turn out I will send you some. Eydie