Monday, February 17, 2014

Prairie Grl Says Goodbye to Wisdom Teeth

Well.  Hello there!

Poor Prairie Eydie.  The swelling was awful.
Four weeks ago I had three wisdom teeth pulled.   I didn't think it was going to be a big deal.  It was brutal    

For the first several days, my mouth was stuffed with bloody gauze squares and my mind was stuffed with sandwich dreams, trail mix visions, and pizza fantasies.  For two weeks I only ate watery, luke-warm oatmeal and kale smoothies, enhanced with ch-ch-ch-chia seeds. Midway through my "healing" I was offered a plate of spaghetti and meatballs.  I held back tears and said I was completely happy with a side of Greek yogurt.   

Many people are surprised I still had my wisdom teeth at age 45.  "Why?" they ask.  It is because I don't like going to the dentist.  I have skillfully been avoiding their suggestions that I have my wisdom teeth pulled for years.   I swear these dental hygienists had to take "Condescension 101" in order to get their degree.   I hate lying about flossing and I really hate how they can easily find out  when my last cleaning was.  Oh.  And the smell of those latex gloves.  And the taste of that gruesome tooth polish.   And the bleeding gums, which immediately give away my flossing fibs.  YUCKUMS. 

After finding out about my dental plight, self-righteous "friends" have gone wacko in defense of continuous dental care.  (Prairie Sherry is religious about going to the dentist twice a year.  She could have easily fallen into the self-righteous category, but instead replied to all of my crazed, oxycodone texts and loaned me a 700+ page Amy Tan book.)  These "friends" like to tell me all about their brushing routine, their first electric toothbrush, and how they are experimenting massaging their gums with water picks.  Yawn.  I am still deciding if I want to continue these friendships.  It is probably time to bid adieu.   (They are probably contemplating the same about me.)

This may surprise you, but I am changing my naughty ways.  Too much energy has been zapped by avoiding the dentist.  I have already scheduled my teeth cleaning for the next 12 months and bought my first pink Sonicare toothbrush .  I have also solemnly sworn to show up for teeth cleanings for as long as I live.  It will be so refreshing not to hear the hygienists bitch about my wisdom teeth.

Prairie Eydie 


Sunday, February 2, 2014

Prairie Eydie's Top Tips to Get Through Those Winter Blues PART TWO

All right!  Off we go!  Part Two of how to beat those winter blues.

A nice stack of books on your night stand will come in handy.  You need a variety to choose from.  I like to have David Sedaris books in constant rotation.  He is funny and you can read as little or as much as you want.  My older son, Leonard, is always adding books to my pile.  Apparently A Tale Dark & Grimm is the new must read.   I will have to get in the mood to read that one. 

I always have a Prairie Sherrie pick in the pile; she just loaned me The Orchardist.  I haven't started it yet because I am still recovering from the new Amy Tan book, The Valley of Amazement.  It was very good, especially if you have ANY unanswered questions about being a courtesan.   Possible Spoiler Alert!  The Valley of Amazement ended exactly like  Tan's Joy Luck Club.  (I think around page 700 Amy just wanted to finish the damn book.)

Rearrange your furniture in as many rooms as possible.  It gives you a new perspective.  Prairie Grlz interior designer, Nate Berkus says:  You generally need more furniture than you think, so experiment at home to see what works. Go borrow the sideboard from the dining room to tell if a large piece will comfortably fit in your living room. I also look at how other people lay out their rooms, whether it's at a friend's house or in design magazines. 

 It NEVER looks like this.

Prairie Eydie says:  Be ready to sweat and do all the arranging yourself.  For some reason family members want to question where you want the sofa.  You don't need that second guessing.  Also, be forgiving of all the "crap" you find under your furniture.  Once I found a dead mouse under my area rug.  The mouse was a piece of jerky, a look of surprise on his lil' dried face.  (This is one of Prairie Pa's favorite stories.) 

Buy a pair of snowshoes.  Don't let those outdoorsy, know-it-all clerks at REI intimidate you. (I actually bypassed the clerks and some fabulous customer helped me choose my pair of Atlas snowshoes.)   Embrace winter and find something fun to do outside when the sun is shining and the temperature is above ten degrees.  Nothing will boost your mood, or your gluteus, like a two hour romp in a state park.

And.  If you remember nothing I've ever said, remember this.  Never underestimate the power of fresh flowers.

Prairie Eydie
P.S.  There may even be a PART THREE to "Prairie Eydie's Top Tips to Get Through Those Winter Blues" because I forgot to mention how Costco has been getting me through the polar vortexes.